Public Bathrooms: Humanity’s Final Test
Public bathrooms bring out the worst in people. The noises, the smells, the utter lack of boundaries—it’s chaos. But while we can’t control sticky floors or flickering lights, we can control our behavior. Sadly, not everyone does. Here are the unspoken rules of bathroom etiquette—that obviously need to be spoken…loudly.
Choosing the Stall Right Next to Someone
There are ten stalls. Ten. Yet somehow, you picked the one directly beside the only occupied one. That’s psychological warfare. Everyone knows the rule—always leave a buffer stall when possible. Respect personal space, dignity, and the fragile illusion of privacy.
Unknown author, Wallpaper Flare
Not Flushing Properly
Whether it’s an automatic flusher gone rogue or someone too lazy to check, nothing kills the soul like discovering… leftovers. Always confirm the deed is done before walking away. It takes two seconds and spares the next person from lifelong trauma.
Taking a Phone Call
There’s nothing more jarring than hearing someone conducting business in a stall. Whether it’s your mom, your boss, or your Uber driver, they can wait. Bathrooms echo like caves, and your call doesn’t need an audience. We all deserve a little peace and porcelain privacy.
Using Speakerphone (Seriously?)
If you’re going to talk on the phone—which you shouldn’t—please don’t use speakerphone. No one wants to hear both sides of your debate about brunch plans. The bathroom is not a conference room, and your mom didn’t sign up for surround sound.
Hover Gone Wrong
Ladies, if you must hover, please master the art. A few drops on the seat ruin it for everyone. The rest of us shouldn’t need a hazmat suit just to sit down. If you can’t hover cleanly, take the seat like a grown-up.
Public Restrooms Men's Restroom by OCC Plumbing & Restorations
Talking to Strangers in the Bathroom
This isn’t a networking event or a family reunion. No one wants to chat mid-flush or while pretending the hand dryer isn’t screaming. Unless someone’s out of toilet paper or unconscious, keep conversation to a minimum. Bathroom time is alone time—socializing can wait until the hallway.
Leaving Toilet Paper Carnage
Those industrial rolls are designed by sadists, yes—but shredded paper everywhere isn’t the answer. If the dispenser betrays you, don’t stage a protest. Pick up after yourself. Civilization depends on people who can handle a simple paper tear.
Talking Through the Stall Door
Few horrors compare to someone striking up a conversation while you’re mid-sit. The thin metal door doesn’t invite friendship. Unless the building’s on fire, keep it zipped. No one wants to chat through a stall wall—it’s unsettling for everyone.
Ignoring the Line
Lines in public bathrooms run on trust and shared desperation. If you “accidentally” cut because you were “just fixing your hair,” congratulations—you’ve made enemies. Everyone knows who was next. Wait your turn like a decent human. It’s not that hard.
Using the Hand Dryer Like It’s a Jet Engine
Hand dryers are already loud enough to rattle the ceiling tiles, but some people treat them like performance art. You don’t need to dry your entire soul. When your hands start vibrating, you’ve gone too far.
Leaving the Sink a Disaster Zone
A wet counter isn’t modern art. Take two seconds to clean your splash zone—or at least don’t turn it into a lagoon. The next person shouldn’t need rain boots to reach the soap.
Skipping Handwashing Altogether
This one’s simple: wash your hands. You’re not “building immunity”—you’re just gross. We all saw you walk straight from the stall to the door handle, and now we can’t unsee it. Soap is free. Use it.
Overly Aggressive Handwashing
Then there’s the other extreme—people who treat handwashing like a CrossFit workout. You’re not prepping for surgery. When half the counter is soaked and your sleeves are dripping, maybe ease up on the splash zone.
Hogging the Mirror
Quick touch-ups? Fine. Full beauty tutorial? No. The mirror isn’t your personal glam studio. When ten people are waiting behind you, wrap it up. Respect the mirror queue—we all have our insecurities to check.
Loud Personal Hygiene
Public restrooms are not grooming lounges. Nail clipping, flossing, or—heaven forbid—tweezing—belong at home. The sound of nail clippers echoing off tile can haunt dreams. Stop it.
Leaving Without Checking Your Work
Before you leave, take one last glance. Did you flush? Drop paper towels? Create a flood? A five-second inspection could spare countless souls from the horror you’ve left behind. Be the change.
Singing in the Stall
Yes, the acoustics are tempting—but this isn’t American Idol. No one wants to harmonize with you. Save the concert for your shower; the audience here didn’t buy tickets.
Trying to Chat While Washing Hands
Mirror small talk is a trap. Eye contact is already awkward—conversation makes it worse. A polite nod is plenty. Don’t talk through soap foam. No one wins.
Forgetting to Lock the Door
This is how trust issues begin. There’s no fear like opening a stall and making eye contact with a stranger. The solution: Lock. The. Door. One click prevents a lifetime of nightmares.
Refusing to Flush With Your Hand
Yes, the handle looks suspicious. But if your foot flush fails, don’t abandon ship. Use a paper towel, an elbow—whatever it takes. Sometimes, true heroism is one sanitary swipe away.
Using Half the Soap Dispenser
One pump is plenty. You’re washing your hands, not a car engine. Leave some soap for the rest of us. Sharing is caring—especially when it comes to hygiene.
Taking Forever in the Stall
We all love a moment of peace, but this isn’t a spa. If you’ve scrolled through two social media apps, it’s time to wrap it up. Someone outside is quietly plotting your downfall.
Ignoring the “Out of Order” Sign
That sign isn’t a challenge—it’s a warning. No, you can’t “make it work.” Respect the fallen toilet. Don’t be the reason maintenance cries.
Trying to Sneak in Two People
Whatever you’re planning—don’t. Bathrooms are for solo missions only. Nothing good has ever come from two pairs of shoes in one stall. Just… no.
Forgetting to Dry Your Hands
Wet handprints everywhere? Terrifying. You’re not a ghost leaving clues; you’re just lazy. Take ten seconds. Dry your hands. Save the next person’s sleeves.
Throwing Paper Towels Near the Trash
You were so close. Really. But “near” isn’t “in.” Pick it up, take the extra step, and earn your place among the civilized. It’s not basketball—no bonus points for the miss.
Walking Out Barefoot (Why?)
There’s always one. Barefoot. In a public restroom. No words—just nausea. Whatever you think you’re proving, stop. The floor bacteria are cheering.
Taking “Self-Care” Too Far
We love a little self-care, but this isn’t your vanity table. Sheet masks, perfume clouds, and hair brushing? Take it home. This is a shared nightmare, not your morning routine.
Leaving a Mystery Smell Behind
We all have… moments. But courtesy flushes exist for a reason. If you leave behind a scent strong enough to tell time, you owe the world an apology—and maybe an air freshener.
The Group Bathroom Takeover
Going in pairs? Fine. Turning the restroom into your social clubhouse? Nope. When your laughter echoes louder than the hand dryer, it’s time to relocate. Some of us just need to use the bathroom in peace.
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